This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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