Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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