still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize