dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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