Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
