Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Me too!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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