Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
BRING THE BAGELS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
