i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
