i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am midnight drunk by noon
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
