Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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