look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
