And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
