Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
