My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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