yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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