Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
