There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
