Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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