Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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