I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
