Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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