A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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