If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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