I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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