Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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