Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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