so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
