this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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