i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
