Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
