I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
