I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
