u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
