How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What drink are we having for lunch?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize