guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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