So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
