You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
