I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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