I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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