i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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