Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
