Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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