The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
