I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
