the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
