Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
