i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
