Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
