I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
