i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
