Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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