i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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