I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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