I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
