Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
