My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
a search helicopter?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
