do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
