the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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