I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.