Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?

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  (313): Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board? http://tfl.nu/cf1u
  Replies (19) Good night (898) Bad night (5954)
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  (626): View more from California

  They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes

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  (626): They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/n6ba
  Replies (9) Good night (4217) Bad night (1044)
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  (951): View more from California

  All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

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  (951): All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants. http://tfl.nu/xx9d
  Replies (17) Good night (8021) Bad night (1062)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic

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  (303): Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic http://tfl.nu/n8k4
  Replies (10) Good night (3583) Bad night (924)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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  (309): Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away? http://tfl.nu/ex4f
  Replies (19) Good night (5137) Bad night (944)
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  (716): View more from New York

  she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper

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  (716): she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper http://tfl.nu/z4y6
  Replies (28) Good night (5790) Bad night (1379)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.

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  (905): I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out. http://tfl.nu/0m9y
  Replies (7) Good night (2463) Bad night (742)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...

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  (804): I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts... http://tfl.nu/vjl2
  Replies (5) Good night (2185) Bad night (572)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.

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  (317): hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room. http://tfl.nu/qubv
  Replies (14) Good night (768) Bad night (2287)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.

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  (434): For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass. http://tfl.nu/3jfn
  Replies (10) Good night (1665) Bad night (1232)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.

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  (516): Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/4blv
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.

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  (313): I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to. http://tfl.nu/ozzk
  Replies (8) Good night (526) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.

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  (814): The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise. http://tfl.nu/8q09
  Replies (4) Good night (612) Bad night (871)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Drunk yet?

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.

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  (336): Drunk yet? (980): Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me. http://tfl.nu/2v48
  Replies (0) Good night (805) Bad night (293)
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  (447): View more from

  She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.

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  (447): She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases. http://tfl.nu/jvs6
  Replies (5) Good night (308) Bad night (586)

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