I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again