...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wanna passion pit in your ass
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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