do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
